Emily, Life Coaching in Surrey

Update from Emily (Date: 5/1/16)

Lisa suggested that Mum and I had a joint coaching session with her in which we could explore anything we wanted to. We started off by talking about how things had been at home since my previous session and what was working well.

Mum explained to Lisa that when I had a ‘tornado moment’ of feeling really stressed and angry, she was trying hard not to join me in the tornado and just let it pass but that it didn’t always seem to help me to calm down. Lisa asked me to draw the tornado which I did, using blues to represent sadness, red to represent anger and black to represent the feeling of being overwhelmed. My tornado was a huge, dark, swirling mix of all the different emotions I feel when I lose control and I drew myself as a tiny figure lost inside the tornado.

Mum asked me how she could help me when I feel like that and at the time of this session I struggled to answer. Since the session, I have talked with Mum and I would like her to be near me, without joining me ‘in the tornado’ as this reassures me.

We also talked about effort and Mum’s frustration when she thinks I am not trying very hard or making much effort. Lisa helped us to see that sometimes our best effort for one day is different to another day which was a new way of looking at it and my mum found this really helpful.

We finished the session by having a reading from Lisa’s pack of Smiley Thought cards which was a fun way to end – we have our own pack at home and love doing our own readings!

Update from Mum (Date: 5/1/16)

Lisa suggested that I joined Emily for a coaching session to see if we could address a way for us both to resolve the meltdown situations that had become such a regular feature of Emily’s behaviour. Lisa sensed that we were both doing some sort of dance with each other in these situations and wanted us to be open about what we needed from the other person when that happens.

Lisa asked Emily to describe how it felt for her when she was in the midst of a meltdown at home and the analogy she voiced was that of a tornado – we now refer to them as ‘tornado moments’! Lisa asked Emily to draw a picture of her tornado and I was struck by the maelstrom of emotions she drew and described and particularly how she represented herself as a tiny little figure lost within that, at the mercy of the tornado. That really struck a chord with me and helped me to see how vulnerable Emily is when she is having a tornado moment and how consumed she feels by all those big emotions. We discussed how I had been trying to change the old habit of jumping into the tornado with her and becoming just as ‘het up’ as she is by staying calm and refusing to add fuel to the situation. Emily had found that change difficult and I explained to Lisa that it hadn’t had the impact I had expected. Lisa explained that Emily will want me to get in the tornado with her but that I needed to hold my ground and stand firm. Lisa highlighted that it may take a while for Emily to trust that I am calm and for her to relate to me in a different way. She also suggested that it would take a while for both of us to ‘rewire old programming’ and asked us to be patient and kind with ourselves and each other.

We moved on to discuss situations at home that had been problematic such as Emily struggling to choose clothes and getting very stressed about her choices, as well as my perception that Emily was not making much of an effort or trying her best in certain situations. Lisa highlighted that doing our best is harder on some days than others and asked me to think about effort instead of outcome (some days Emily’s best will have a lesser outcome because that’s what she could manage on that given day). This was really helpful and a new perspective which I’ve found so useful since the session.

We finished the session by having a reading from Lisa’s pack of Smiley Thought cards which was a lovely way to end and helped us to connect with each other. We have our own pack at home and really enjoy using them as a boost for all the family – Emily’s nine year old brother loves her to do a reading for him!

Update from Emily (Date: 6/9/15)

We've done 6 50 minute sessions since April. In one of my most recent sessions with Lisa, we explored a technique called Journeying. This was completely new to me but basically means being guided to uncover or remember memories in my body that may be causing me problems or unhappiness in the present. I had to lie down and get relaxed with Lisa's help. Lisa read from a script and I imagined a space shuttle travelling through my body and stopping in various parts of me. At times, I had to ask Lisa how I was feeling. I also really love doing card readings at the end of session. Lisa has a pack of positive sayings. We give them a shuffle and pick one so I go home with a happy thought. It's really good fun!

From the journeying experience, I got in touch with my fears and anxiety. Lisa was able to guide me back to a time where I was my younger, fearless self by giving me balloons of courage. I had to absorb the balloons so I could install those feelings of safety and courage inside me. I found it really interesting. It made me feel calm and more in control of my anxieties. We are going to get 'The Journey for Kids' book so we can do this at home. The biggest challenge for me has been emotional meltdowns and managing big emotions. Over the last period I have made a stress ball, a calm down jar and learnt how to do meditative breathing. Over the next period we're hoping to feel in control of our emotions and support each other through the stormy bits.  

Update from Emily (Date: 19/7/15)